RATING
This is as good as it gets - we have reached the pinnacle of excellence in all things for men.  No more nagging, the lawn mows itself, beer is always cold, and each sporting event is better than the last one.
Close, but no cigar - literally.  The only thing that would make this rating better is if it was accompanied by a hand-rolled stogie.  Men, it is good to be king!
Every sporting event abounds with great plays.  Drink specials run 24/7, and women characterize your beer-belly as "sexy".  Action movies are being released one after another, and chick-flicks seem to have disappeared.

What’s this?  She actually thanked you for taking the garbage out, and wore “that lacey red thing” to bed last night.  Yes, you are beginning to remember what it feels like to be a man!
Unfortunately, most things in this day and age will be rated right around here.  Not too bad, but not the ideal environment for a guy either.  If we end up giving this rating to too many things, we may never reach our goals....
There is light at the end of the tunnel!  Collectively, we've strapped on a pair and are holding our ground.  Women will actually admit they don't respect Metrosexuals.

Things are getting better, as you notice little girls don’t call you “Sally” anymore.  Your dog will still only obey your girlfriend, but at least he’s stopped peeing on your shoes.  Swing a hammer and build something and you’ll be closer to regaining your throne.
Good for you!  You worked up the nerve to start looking for the jar where she keeps your stones.  It's time to start thinking about what you'll do if you ever find them.
Well, at least you don't have to wear a skirt anymore. 
You are not allowed to speak unless spoken to first, and it is actually against the law to look at other women.  One more unmanly mis-step and we will all be required to undergo estrogen hormone therapy.
Gentlemen, hand over the remote.  All is lost!  No more quality entertainment, prohibition is upon us, and The National Council for Fairness has deemed that all games will end in a tie, regardless of performance.